If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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