I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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