Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
