Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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