I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
