it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
