we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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