Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
