I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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