I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
