I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
