she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
