So drunk, too bad you don't want this
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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