Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
