That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
