If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
