you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
