He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
