This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
