just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
