I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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