once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
