My nipple is on Facebook.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
