we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
