So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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