I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize