am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
