she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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