put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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