I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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