My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
