im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize