I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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