If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
