census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
