someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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