you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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