i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
