I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
