i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
