On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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