thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
