hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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