You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
