I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
