Where did you get a picture of my penis
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
