...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
zippers are such a cool invention
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
