I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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