I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
