I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
