This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
