omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize