I hope mine doesn't look like that
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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