How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
