remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
