Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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