Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
