what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
