i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
