I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
