So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize