I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
