I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
