I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
