I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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