you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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