ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
