Me too!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
