I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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