worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
