Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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