i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
