It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize