I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
