Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
