look no pants
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
