I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize