Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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