I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
