Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I see more hoeing in ur future
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