I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
