the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize