Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
