I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
