Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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