Are we in a gay sports bar?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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