i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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