we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
