worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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