I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
