Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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