"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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